BTDT (Been There, Done That)

Someone recently asked me what my best advice is for newbie writers, and I wanted to inhale and ask her how long she had. I've been doing this for a long time, or at least what feels like a long time, and the truth is that there's no better experience than on-the-job training. I mean, there is no doubt that some of my lessons have been learned the hard way and frankly, that sort of lesson is invaluable...sort of like how I believe that kids have to pull themselves up from their bootstraps to really grow into themselves...but that doesn't mean that I can't pass on what I believe is my best advice. So here goes.

1) Develop a THICK - we're talking industrial-grade - skin. I was born with too much self-confidence. This, at times, has proven disastrous when I refused to acknowledge that a boyfriend (or two) might be trying to break up with me or other such scenarios. However, it has proven to be among my best assets in this industry. I honestly couldn't give two figs if a pitch or an article gets rejected. Their loss, I think. No matter how brilliant you are, you will get rejected and often in this line of work. If you don't have the stomach for it - and there's no shame in that at all (in fact, you'd be a lot wiser than I am), find something else to do.

2) Be aggressive. I'm reminded of that old cheer from summer camp: "BE AGGRESSIVE, Be, Be, aggressive. B-e-a-g-g-r-e-s-s-i-v-e. Aggressive!" You get the point. No one gets ahead in the freelance world by lobbing off on email to an editor and hoping that he/she will respond. Follow up. Follow up again. If you get a nibble, even if it's not a bite, keep pursuing it. Too many writers, in my opinion, treat editors as if they are Gods, so don't use common sense when it comes to establishing themselves. In any other line of work, you'd go after that promotion or that new job. The same is true here.

3) Be Impeccable. Too many freelancers make mistakes and their editors are there to fill in the gaps. They notice. They notice misspellings, fact errors, missed deadlines. There are too many others writers who are willing to slide into your place, and if an editor thinks you're second rate, you're also history.

4) Don't Be Afraid to Suck. Yes, this is a complete contradiction to #3. But in this case, I'm referring to fiction, not magazines. With fiction, it's entirely okay to explore your capabilities because often, you're only writing for yourself. Experiment with different voices, different points-of-view, different characters. Some will work, some won't. Nothing's wrong with abandoning your manuscript if it's crap. Chances are you learned something along the way and you'll be better for it the next time out.

5) Listen to Criticism With Open Ears (and an Open Mind). Nothing irritates me more than writers who don't think that they can get better. (Okay, that's not true, a lot of things irritate me more, but you get my point.) If you're lucky enough to have someone take enough interest in your work to offer constructive criticism, you'd be wise to shrug off your ego (get over it already!), digest the advice and then apply it to your work. Being pig-headed about it might soothe that ego, but it won't land you a book deal.

So I think those are my top tips. There are dozens of others, of course, but that's a starting point. Now it's your chance to chime in. What is your best advice to pass along to other writers?

We're Not Normal

So the other day, my husband was told "no" to something. And he was pissed. Annoyed and peeved too. And a little demoralized. You have understand: my husband is very, very good at what he does, which has lead to success, so rarely, does someone say, "Er, sorry, no thanks to that idea." (Of course, he hears "no" just plenty around our house. Hee.)

He came home and we chatted about it, and I said, "Look, you can't take it personally," and he said, "Of course I can! How can I not take it personally?" And I looked at him like he had ten heads because I'm so used to not taking anything personally in our business that I didn't see how on earth he could consider this personal.

So over dinner, I said, "Let's role play." (No you dirty birds, don't go there.)

He shrugged and said, "Fine."

"An editor told me today that my manuscript wasn't publishable....what would you say?"

"I'd say that he's an idiot," my husband replied.

"Exactly!" I answered, triumphant in my brilliance. "You wouldn't personalize it when it comes to my job, so you shouldn't personalize it when it comes to yours."

He begrudgingly admitted to a sliver of my brilliance and then we moved on. But later, it dawned on me: I think I'm the one with the abnormal reaction, not him. Of course it's rational to feel the sting of rejection rather than just coast past it; of course it's rational to be pissed and annoyed and a little demoralized. But I've been in this business for so long that my armor is basically impenetrable.

And I'll tell you what: I wouldn't have it any other way. While my husband might not get rejected very often in his line of work, in our line of work, it's inevitable. It doesn't stop just because you've landed national magazine stories or even published your first novel. And I've repeatedly said it on this blog, but I'll say it again: if you have a thin skin or take rejection personally, even if it might be slightly personal, this isn't the industry for you. Because you know, sure, every once in a while, that rejection just might be personal, but guess what? You don't have the luxury to consider that it might be, because, that, my friends, is a slippery-slope. If you spend time trying to sort through the intricacies of what all the various rejections mean - are they personal, are they not, do they hate you, do they hate the work? - you'll spend far too much energy and effort focused on the negatives and eventually, it will suck away at both your self-confidence and your writing.

Which is why I've developed an emotional moat: nothing's getting through to me unless I let it. And sure, that might not be normal, but it's what you need to get by as a writer. My husband's not a writer, so for him, sure, he can feel that sting, but honestly, I can't afford to. My ego and confidence would be bloodied on a daily basis.

So...what do you think? Are writers normal or not when it comes to rejection and how we cope with it?

The Rejection Blues

Allison, you seem like an upbeat person. Congrats on your book, btw. I am wondering if you've experienced a lot of rejection as a writer and how you deal with it. Also, what do you think of my new blog? You can check it out at Literary Rejections on Display. I guess I'm naming names! www.literaryrejectionsondisplay.blogspot.com.

First: your blog. Hey, if you're willing to put yourself out there and risk that an editor might recognize you, then more power to you! Personally, I'd be wary because the industry is small and incestuous, and you never know with whom you might work. BUT, it seems like you're just reporting the facts and not disparaging anyone, so yeah, if you're comfy w/it, so am I. And maybe people can find solace in numbers.

As far as personal rejection? Well, I think there are different types of personalities in this world: people who take rejection personally and people who do not. I fall into the latter category. My ego must be too big or something because yup, between the magazine world and the book world, I've gotten rejected hundreds of times, and I just don't care that much. In fact, my agent and I were chatting the other day about a rejection for TDLF, and we were cracking up at it (not at the editor, I should note, just the strong distaste noted for the book in the rejection)...which was sort of the same reaction that I had at the time. What else can I do but laugh?

I dunno. My attitude is always like, "Oh well, what am I going to do about it?" Which isn't to say that you can't learn from rejection. You often can and even more often should, but I've been around long enough to know that an editor or agent or whomever isn't rejecting me when he or she says no to an idea or a pitch or even a completed manuscript. By depersonalizing it, I've already removed the emotion from the situation.

I also find that it's really helpful to get right back on the horse. When I was in the midst of my agent hunt, I'd send out a query as soon as I got a rejection back from someone. That whole "close one door as another one opens" idea.

So readers, how do you deal with rejection? Any good coping strategies?

The Cream of the Crop

Why do you think it is that some magazine writers, are more successful than the majority of magazine writers, both financially and career wise? Whenever I read about professional writers doing well, I find myself grabbing one of my cats and weeping with envy into their fur. Or I have to go and do something drastic, like weed the garden or clean behind the cooker, to get rid of my angst at not being able to be a successful writer. Throw into that, I live in the UK (horribly low pay rates) and it's enough to make the management track at the supermarket look tempting. :) I know the usual advice is 'ditch the not-so-profitable mags and go for higher paying ones' but how can you do that when you need the former to pay the bills? Is it just lack of faith on my part? A lack of faith that the bills won't get paid if I ditch the low-profit mags? Or that the more profitable magazines will take one look at my work and say: 'get back to the trades honey, you ain't cut out for this world.'

Okay, this is a big, sweeping question that I'll do my best to answer, but I'm not sure that there are indeed concrete answers to it. And that's because there are a lot of intangibles that lead to success in this business, in my opinion, not the least of which is luck. Yep, luck. Look, I'm not going to dispute that I can write a kick-ass article, because I can. And yeah, I think I'm a decent fiction writer too, but I'm not so pompous as to assume that part of the reason that I've had more success than some other writers isn't due to dumb luck. I landed a big ghostwriting gig right at the start of my freelancing career (The Knot Book of Wedding Flowers), and yes, arguably, it was my writing skills that landed me that gig, but it was also timing and sheer luck. That I happened to be getting married at the time they were looking for a writer. That I happened to pitch them a story idea at this very same time. That I'd previously happened to be hired to ghostwrite for some celebrities and the Knot wanted someone who was interested in weddings, as well as who had ghostwriting experience, etc, etc, etc. So they hired me. And from there, I landed my first national story in Bride's. It was one of my first pitches, actually. So yeah, I definitely think that some of this was due to sheer luck. Lucky me.

Now. There are many who will argue that you make your own luck, and I am among those many. (This, incidentally, is a big theme in TDLF.) I'm not sitting at home rubbing rabbits' feet, hoping that good things will happen to me. I'm going out there and creating every. possible. opportunity. in order for some of this good fortune to come my way. That means querying, querying, querying. It means being open to opportunities that you wouldn't necessarily originally be interested in. It means admitting that there might be room for improvement in your writing and seeking out classes or critique groups to bolster you.

One of the underlying commonalities that all successful writers share, I believe, is that they're a) persistent and b) unsinkable. Which means that no matter how often they're rejected, they'll keep at it, and they don't let all of these dings to their armor get them down. There's no crying in publishing. Okay, that's not true. There's plenty of crying in publishing, but there's no drowning in your tears. Because there are too many other writers who won't drown, and no one will miss you if you do. Rejection is a matter of fact in our industry, and the writers who make it are the ones who don't take it personally and who use it to push themselves higher.

So what does all of this add up to? Keep at it, keep at it, keep at it. What's your other option? Quitting? If quitting is an option, then I'd say - and I don't mean this rudely at all, only as advice to people who waver in this industry - that writing probably isn't a career for you. Because there are too many other things for you to do and be good at and be happy at than to bog yourself down in a writing career that you'd be okay walking away from. I once had an acting teacher tell me the same thing: if can think of anything else you want to do with your life, then do that, not this, and I think the same thing applies to writing. And if you can't think of anything else, then hang in there! Timing, persistence and skills will often pay off in the end.

So readers, what do you think separate the successful writers from the rest?

The Persistence Payoff

Let's say you've done enough research on a certain publication to get the sense that your writing style and skill level is a good fit. Then let's say that you pitch an editor and get rejected. You'll obviously want to keep trying because you've done the research and set the goal of getting into that publication, so would you keep pitching different ideas to the same editor and hope that your persistence pays off? Or would you try a different editor and hope that maybe you'll have better luck with someone else? The media outlet that I'm targeting is general enough to publish a range of different voices, and it's possible that my youth or feminine perspective just didn't strike a chord with a fortysomething male editor. Or am I just fooling myself?

All very good questions. The short answer is that persistence sometimes does pay off, and sometimes it doesn't. But that doesn't really help you now, does it? :)

To begin with, I'd never suggest that you ditch an editor based on one rejection. One rejection is nothing! In fact, if you hit a home run on your first pitch, you'd be the rare exception, not the rule. So by all means, keep trying. How long you should try really depends on the responses that you're receiving from this editor. If, as you mentioned, you suspect that your tone and voice might not mesh with the editor you've selected to pitch, then yeah, try someone else. If, however, you're getting relatively positive feedback from the editor, i.e, "we just ran something similar," or "this isn't quite right, but feel free to pitch me again," then keep plugging away. I've mentioned this before on the blog, but I was once approached by an editor at Glamour. She asked me to send in ideas, so I did. And I did. And I did. For FOUR YEARS. Nothing took. But she eventually left Glamour and when she landed at a new magazine, she promptly assigned me three pieces. So if you have good ideas, and you're meshing with the editor, by all means, keep at it! Just because she's not assigning something to you immediately doesn't mean that she's not taking note of your writing and researching skills.

At the same time, I've also thrown in the towel on editors who were unresponsive or who clearly weren't interested in what I was selling. And yes, you can certainly try someone else...it's not as if you're black-balled from a magazine simply because of one editor. So regardless, you can keep at it.

One thing to keep in mind, which again, I've mentioned before but I think it's worth noting. You mentioned in your email that you're still getting your freelancing sea legs. If you don't have a slew of feature-length clips, you might have better luck breaking into these national mags in the FOB section. Editors take less risk when they assign a 200 word piece to a new-to-them writer, so they're more likely to give you the green light. They also need more FOBs each month than features, so you up your odds of landing one.

So...have you guys ever had luck many pitches later? Or ditched one editor only to find success with a different one?

How to Survive in Shark Infested Waters

Random thought: Is it so wrong that The Office is quite possibly the highlight of my week? Squee for the Diwali episode! I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it, but needless to say, more drunk John Krasinski please!

Anyhoo, wrapping up the week of Q/As with some of my favorite freelance writers. I'll be answering your questions again starting next week, so if you have a question and want to pick my brain, email me at allison@allisonwinn.com or post it to the comments section. Today, my fellow writer friends were kind enough to offer their thoughts on how to survive the ups and downs of the freelance world and ultimately, turn a glimmer of a dream into a lifelong career.

Here, their thoughts:

-Be absolutely sure that freelance is what you really want to be. I have a good friend who, like me, was always a magazine editor, and also always freelance-wrote "on the side." When we each had kids, it was her decision to stay with a magazine job, and mine (well, after kid 2) to freelance fulltime. I could never do what she does; seems so stressful. She feels she couldn't do what I do; she relishes the office experience and doubts her ability to stick to work with all the distractions of home (TV, food, the kids, the house...). So you have to start with a foundation of REALLY knowing that working for yourself, and largely by yourself, is what you want, and that it fits with yours and your family's lifestyle and needs. I was freelance for a short time very early in my career, and it stunk. I couldn't focus or motivate myself, and I sunk into a depression (for other reasons, too, but I believe that I'd have been in a better frame of mind if I had an office to go to each day). Other things you need for a successful freelance career:

• Good time management skills (this, for me, is taken care of by being a mom; I'm so used to cramming 40 things into each hour of each day that prioritizing gets easier).- a good business sense. You love to write, which is fine and dandy. But you can't spend hours and days and weeks laboring over every word of every piece or you won't make any money. It's craft and a teeny bit of art, but it's mostly a business.
• The proper spot to work, whether that's a fully kitted-out office or an armoire in the dining room. If you're squeezing in your work on the kitchen table or around your kids' artwork and your husband's stuff, you won't feel as "legit."
• A very, very very thick skin, since rejection comes with the territory.
• A recognition that you have to find ways to work with the editors who are out there. Sure, you can cross off your list those who are egregiously awful or abusive, but the basic premise of the freelance life is that you want work, and editors are the ones who have it to hand out, so you gotta get along. That means lots of cheerful compliance and can-do attitude. That does not mean letting yourself be walked all over; you have to find and tread the line between the two. - Denise Schipani

-I have two rules for myself: be reliable, and be easy to work with. Before I went freelance, I was an editor, so I thought long and hard about the writers I really enjoyed working with. Above all, they all shared those two traits--reliability and a desire to work with me to put out the best article possible. They didn't flake out on deadlines, they didn't have egos, and they weren't offended if I came back to them with edit questions or needed a revise. Also, I knew that as an editor, being reliable and being nice--this is so Midwestern of me, but whatever--helped me move up quickly. So I took that with me when I crossed the fence and became a full-time writer, and it's helped me stand out and get repeat assignments for the publications I want to work with. I know some people hear that and they think, "doormat!" But it's not about being a doormat. I still ask for more money, say no to impossible assignments and tell editors when they're being unreasonable. I'm just not bitchy about it, and that makes all the difference in having an editor want to work with you again. - Camille Noe Pagan

-Treat it like a business. You need to deliver a high-quality service. You need to market yourself. You need to constantly look for new outlets for your work and new ways to improve what you’re doing. You need to deliver excellent service to your clients. You need to keep track of the financials. And you need to be tenacious. I always say that the rules apply to everyone but me. That doesn’t mean ignore guidelines, editor suggestions, or solid business practices. But, when I hear about how difficult it is to break into a particular publication or how competitive this business is or how it’s impossible to make a living as a freelance writer, that doesn’t apply to me. I ignore the statistics and focus on what I need and want to do. So far, so good. - Gwen Moran

-Figure out what you want to achieve and keep your eye on your prize, not another writer's. If you're a mother with young children and you want to earn enough to keep your young ones in Huggies, well screw the person who says success as a writer means bringing in $100K + a year or writing for the Atlantic. That's his definition, not yours. - Diana Burrell

-To establish a successful freelancing career, you have to treat it as a business. Learn to say "no" when your calendar gets overwhelmed with too many activities. You have to spend an ample amount of time at your desk to make it work. Sure, it's great to be able to take an impromptu trip out of town for a few days and not have to ask permission, but be prepared to check your e-mail and voicemail when you are away and pick up the slack when you return. Some people will try to take advantage of you working from home because they think that you have all the time in the world, but you do not. You have the advantage of no commute to work and you can plug away at the keyboard in your pajamas if you wish, but this doesn't mean that you're free to babysit or chat on the phone for hours on end. Also, networking is imperative! You can learn a lot by mingling with fellow freelancers. Get involved in writers' organizations, attend conferences, etc. to keep leads flowing. - Sharon Anne Waldrop

-Make sure that you have the right disposition to be a freelancer—because really, you are an entrepreneur. If you don’t have the drive to keep going every day, even when you’re not selling anything, and to keep yourself focused on marketing and coming up with new ideas, then you should find something else to do as your career. - Leah Ingram

-1) Read--everything from books on writing to the magazines and newspapers that you want to break into. Know that this often doesn't happen overnight, and be prepared to do the work you will need to in order to get your career going. 2) Go to writers' conferences. Join Web sites like FLX. Talk to other writers--but don't pick out a few who are experienced and keep badgering them. People will usually help you, but make sure you're not taking advantage. 3) Keep sending out queries. If one comes back "dinged," have another publication ready to send it to and get it out the door within 24 hours. 4) Don't take rejections personally. Remember, these people (editors) don't know you, so they are reacting to the work. And it doesn't mean that the work is bad; it's just something they can't use right now. Chances are, if it's a good query, you'll find a home for it. Send it out again and again and again... - Michele Wojciechowski

-Treat it as you would any other start-up. It takes time. This advice is easier given than followed on somedays! But truly it takes a lot of persistence and a lot of hard work and on the darkest days when you keep going.. that is what leads to success. - Monica Bhide

-I think part of it is saying to yourself, this is it. Failing is not an option. If you have in your head that if you fail, oh well, you can go back to your cubicle, you're already setting your expectations too low. With that goes treating freelancing like a real job with a real work-arrival hour. Another key to establishing a successful freelance career too, I think, is to seek out those regular gigs. For example, in the front of the book of Men's Health and Women's Health there are the "bulletins," summaries of the latest health research that are about 100 words each. Every month I write some nutrition and weight-loss bulletins, and while it's not the most fun work, it makes for a regular pay check. And then on top of that, of course, do those fun departments and features that you pitch. But those don't come monthly for everyone, so that regular paying gig is important. - Lauren Ann Russell

-Treat it like a business. Don't think of yourself as a "writer," think of yourself as an "independent contractor." A lot of things will flow from there. Also specialize in a few topics or develop something special you're known for. You have to be able to distinguish yourself and give editors a reason to think of you. This is key to getting called with assignments as opposed to having to query all the time. - Lisbeth Levine

Talk to the Hand

I'm feeling a bit discouraged. I'm searching for an agent, and so far, have gotten a few nibbles, including three requests for partials and one for a full, but mostly, I'm getting rejected or not hearing anything at all. I'd like to pretend that the rejection doesn't bother me, but it does. Any tips for hanging in there?

Okay, well, the first thing I'd do - if you feel like your query letter isn't getting the response rate that you'd like - is run it past other writers whom you trust. Don't know where to find other writers whom you trust? Check out Backspace (bksp.org) or even one of the Yahoo writers' groups or writers.net. (Though there are a lot of aspiring authors on writers.net, and I can't vouch for whether or not they'll give you sound advice.) I think that a lot of authors aim for about a 20% success rate from their query letter (correct me if I'm wrong, I could be!), so if yours is coming in waaaaay lower than that, you might want to rethink your pitch. Remember: it's not supposed to be a synopsis of the entire book. It's supposed to highlight your voice, tantalize the agent by offering morsels of an intriguing plot, and ensure them that as a writer, you stand out from the pack.

After that, I'd take a look at your numbers. You don't mention how many agents you've pitched, but plenty of folks have to query well over 50 agents (and higher!) before they find a good match. If you're feeling discouraged after, say, 10 rejections or even 20, then you likely have unrealistic expectations of this process. Yes, I know that everyone thinks that his or her own book is genius, but the truth of the matter is that often times, it's not. Or at least not everyone else will agree that it's genius. (The same can be said of most published books too - it's all subjective, right?) Finding an agent is all about finding that one other person who agrees that your work is indeed genius...and that can take time. Sort of like finding the right person to marry.

Now that you've done the math, it's time to think about your mental health. I've mentioned this before but being a writer requires having a thick skin. A VERY thick skin. And I'm not just talking about during the agent hunt. I'm talking about getting critiques from your writing partners, dealing with editorial comments from the publishing house, recovering from scathing reviews, coping with disappointing sales, writing a second book and not having it sell. Need I go on? If you're going to get demoralized at every turn, this isn't the profession for you.

Which isn't to say that you don't have the right to wallow. You do. What I mean by the above paragraph is that you have the right to wallow, but then you have to pick yourself up and move on. So you're getting rejected. Fine. We know that. But the question becomes: what are you going to do about it? Are you going to tweak your query letter or drown your sorrows with booze? Are you going to refine your agent hunt or cry into your pillow? Are you going to ask for objective criticism and consider that it might actually improve your work or are you going to work yourself up into a defensive frenzy and insist that your writing is spun in gold?

I'm of the belief that rejection is just a stepping stone to making your writing (or your attitude) that much better. Use it to your advantage rather than let it sink you. Because if you do let it sink you, your potential writing career is going to go down the tubes with it.

So how do you guys deal with rejection?

Thickening Your Skin

Just a quick follow-up to yesterday's post. Larramie asked, "How do you let the "nos," not bother you?," and I think she got some great answers in the comments section.

I just wanted to add my own two cents. I do believe that certain people are born with thicker skin than others (or develop it as they grow up). In fact, studies have shown that some people are inherently more resilient than others - recovering more quickly from illnesses and events that might leave them grief-stricken. So, for starters, I really think that some of us - perhaps armed with false confidence or I don't know what - simply let rejection roll of our backs easier than others. This isn't better or worse than any other personality trait; it's simply a fact of life. The exact same agent rejection will quickly be forgotten by one writer and internalized for days by another. No real explaining it other than genetic make-up or upbringing.

But if you're not naturally one of those people, I do think, as MTV reiterates in the comments section, that repeating the phrase, "it's just business," can help. Because at the end of the day (or the beginning or the middle), that's all it is. And editor (or agent) isn't rejecting YOU; she's saying, "this idea or this story or this book doesn't work for me." She's not saying that your writing sucks or that you'll never amount to anything or whatever all of those other voices in your head are telling you. She's saying, "hey, for my business, this doesn't cut it." Interestingly enough, I once interviewed a Ph.D. who told me that women are much more likely to personalize business dealings compared to men. And, I mean, isn't that so easy to believe? My husband would never come home from a shitty day at the office and say, "A deal blew up today, and it was clearly because the CEO didn't like me." No, he'd say, "A deal blew up today," and then proceed to list all of the reasons why - that he knew of - that it had. And trust me, none of them would be about him.

Think about this the next time you get rejected. There are a MILLION reasons why a magazine editor, for example, will turn down an idea. Here are some: they recently ran something similar, a competitor recently ran something similar, it doesn't fit their demographic, they've already filled the issue for which you're pitching, another writer has already been assigned the story, she's having a crappy day, her boyfriend just left her, her boss just chewed her out, she never got your email, the study you're basing the idea on has been disproven, her shoes hurt, her mother is driving her crazy...who the hell knows? I could go on for days.

The point is that rejection is almost never about you. And even if it IS about you, you'll probably never know. So why not chalk it up to any of the above reasons and enjoy your day instead?