I know that I have a backlog of questions to get to, and fear not, I'm getting to 'em, but I also promised that I'd talk a bit about the time leading up to my publication date (three weeks!!), so please indulge this post.
It's a funny thing: now that I have the book in my hands, I've become completely neurotic about other people reading it. I was flipping through it this weekend - I can't bring myself to read it from cover to cover because I've literally already read it like, 15 times - and was thinking, this sucks!! I can't believe that this is going out into the world!! Who agreed to publish this??
Cue: me heading to the gym and running five miles to deal with myself.
I'm not the type of person who has a lot of self-doubt. You're probably not going to get the figurative, "does this make me look fat," question from me. But let me tell you, publishing a novel is terrifying. Thrilling, yes. But terrifying all the same, and at this very moment, it's hard not to be plagued with all sorts anxiety.
I mean, not only do you put yourself out there for critics, who actually don't bother me so much, but you put yourself out there for all of your friends and acquaintances and friends of acquaintances to see...and inevitably, some of them are going to think you suck. That's just a fact. Fiction is so subjective that what floats my boat won't float someone else's, and while I completely and totally understand this, it still makes my stomach churn just a tad. Because at the end of the day, even if your book isn't someone's cup of tea, you really don't want them to think that you suck. But the truth of the matter is, is that someone will think I suck, and the truth of that matter is that I just have to deal with it.
But that doesn't mean that I won't be logging a lot more miles on the treadmill in the next few months. :)
So I'm curious - other pubbed writers - have you experienced similar moments or am I just a complete headcase?